So, I'm having a baby..
Its 12:22am. I may or may not finish this blog tonight. Probably wont. My eyes are heavy, I am so sleepy but my restless legs & some random pains are keeping me awake. Oh, and of course my wiggling baby. I'm 37 weeks & 4 days! I have had such a roller coaster of emotions & thoughts in the past couple days so I thought I would share.
Im really struggling with the idea of having my baby on the outside (sounds really strange, I know.) I never thought it would be like this but I just have this sudden overwhelming feeling that its just such a rough world & I cant imagine bringing my precious infant into it. To be honest, I never realized what a journey of trusting in God this was going to be. I never imagined thinking my baby is safer in me, and I'll stay pregnant forever.
If you know the kind of pregnancy I have had, than you will understand what a stretch it is for me to be thinking that way. Puking multiple times a day for months was no treat, but keeping my baby safe seems like the only option.
I cried to Caleb of my fear today, he kind of chuckled because he was remembering me mid-pregnancy saying "I dont understand why God just didnt make it so we can grow our babies in bowls on the kitchen counter." I now realize why he chose the womb, because it truly is such a safe place. Well, its supposed to be at least. ( I wont go off on how its not, nows not the time or place.)
After a long day of feeling fearful & restless, I think my exhaustion has helped bring me to a point of surrendering at the feet of my Savior. Today I learned that the safest place for my baby... Is in Gods hands. I realized I cant stay pregnant forever (shocking, I know..) and that If this baby must come out, then I insist he be placed directly back into the hands in which he came from.
I'm not quite ready for this, but I will be when he gets here. I'm sure of this.. because my Savior has never abandoned me.
This has been an incredible journey & I am so thankful for all that God is teaching me. I'm so excited to be a mother and to have the opportunity to receive such an incredible gift from God.
I finished. I'm surprised. Maybe I'll try & sleep now.
Lots of Love to you all-
Briana
Im really struggling with the idea of having my baby on the outside (sounds really strange, I know.) I never thought it would be like this but I just have this sudden overwhelming feeling that its just such a rough world & I cant imagine bringing my precious infant into it. To be honest, I never realized what a journey of trusting in God this was going to be. I never imagined thinking my baby is safer in me, and I'll stay pregnant forever.
If you know the kind of pregnancy I have had, than you will understand what a stretch it is for me to be thinking that way. Puking multiple times a day for months was no treat, but keeping my baby safe seems like the only option.
I cried to Caleb of my fear today, he kind of chuckled because he was remembering me mid-pregnancy saying "I dont understand why God just didnt make it so we can grow our babies in bowls on the kitchen counter." I now realize why he chose the womb, because it truly is such a safe place. Well, its supposed to be at least. ( I wont go off on how its not, nows not the time or place.)
After a long day of feeling fearful & restless, I think my exhaustion has helped bring me to a point of surrendering at the feet of my Savior. Today I learned that the safest place for my baby... Is in Gods hands. I realized I cant stay pregnant forever (shocking, I know..) and that If this baby must come out, then I insist he be placed directly back into the hands in which he came from.
I'm not quite ready for this, but I will be when he gets here. I'm sure of this.. because my Savior has never abandoned me.
This has been an incredible journey & I am so thankful for all that God is teaching me. I'm so excited to be a mother and to have the opportunity to receive such an incredible gift from God.
I finished. I'm surprised. Maybe I'll try & sleep now.
Lots of Love to you all-
Briana
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You are so right, it is a journey of trust that you will be on each and every day for the rest of your life. When that babe is placed in your arms you won't believe how much love you have for him, and yet God loves him even more. Crazy, but true. I will do my best to help you not be "that mom". Haha. I am so excited for you both as you enter this crazy world of parenthood, it truly is one of the best seasons ever.
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